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Holidays
All holidays are represented in chronological order with a brief explanation:
January 7th: Foxy Boxing Day
Every year on January 7th Foxy Boxing Day will take place. On this day Foxy Boxing will be televised live for one full day, and Foxy Boxing will take place in every town square, center or community center. In many cases events will be taking place all over the city, mainly cheap beer and foxy boxing. Schools and all non-essential work places will be shut down. The purpose of this day is to show the grandeur of the female body and to get the average Joe his needed dose of boxing in.
March 17th: St. Patrick's Day
This holiday shows one of the rare cases in which The Religion of Wheel borrows from other cultures. There is nothing better than getting drunk, and since the Irish know how to do this so well, what's the point of eliminating it? Beer will flow free into the mouths of every man and woman and child who wishes to drink. Schools and places of work will be closed. The purpose of this holiday is simple: to get drunk.
May 20th: The Day of Morals
Many years ago morals were cherished and taught from father to son and mother to daughter. On May 20th schools and places of work will be closed. Parents will devote the day to teaching their children how to drink, foxy box or how to play some other sport. Those who are children less will be left to wander the streets and are encouraged to play the "How high can your blood alcohol content be by midnight" game.
All Summer Months:
When the temperature reaches 100 degrees Fahrenheit all places of work and school will be closed and the bars owned by The Religion of Wheel will open, offering 1/3 the price ice cold beer. The AC will be running constantly and all rules about female nudity will be overlooked.
August 1st: Too Freaking Hot Day
On August 1st no schools and no work places will be open, except for bars. Every bar will have the AC running at max, and kegs and kegs of ice cold beer kept. All beer will be 1/5 the cost it normally is. Nudity rules will be severely lowered, if not abolished, for all females in The Religion of Wheel owned bars.
October 26th: Pornography Week
The Religion of Wheel tries to stay away from the current American political scene. When the ideals of The Religion of Wheel are threatened though we take it into our hands to create an immediate rebuttal: George W. Bush declared October 26 to be the start of "National Protection from Pornography Week". This is a slap in the face to The Religion of Wheel; on Pornography Week all members of The Religion of Wheel will watch at least one pornography video or look at one porn magazine. Going to a nudey bar or getting a lap dance counts just as much; so get to jerkin!
Comments? Suggestions as to better holidays? Don't like one? Hate me? Love me? Direct all messages to wheel182@hotmail.com or Sarcastabitch@sacbeemail.com