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Gods and Goddesses
Throughout history man kind has gods and goddesses. The Religion of Wheel believes in a great many of gods and goddesses. The purpose of this page is to outline the gods and goddesses in which The Religion of Wheel believes in. It's an ever growing collection; check back every so often to see if we've added more.
Gods and Goddesses (From the time of Creation):
Beericus:
Beericus is the creator of beer; the one who made the filled the earth's empty cavities with beer. He is rumored to have created The Spring of Eternal Beer. He is a big jolly looking man; he is the one who gives all the bar taps of the Palace of The Gods their beer and also creates his own special brew called Grog (it should be noted that Beericus' Grog is not the kind found on earth, which is watered down rum, but rather it's an extremely strong brew which will get any god drunk with only one or two mugs full.)
Pornicus:
Pornicus is the God of Porn and a whole slew of other things that fall close to or under the category of pornography that they won't be mentioned here. Legend has it that he's the one who created The Porn Tree but that has yet to be proven. There isn't a lot to say about Pornicus. Pray to him when your porn collection gets low and pray to him when porn is threatened by the forces of false morality.
Boojawoojanee:
Boojawoojanee (pronounced boo-ja-woo-ja-nee) was silently watching from the background during the Time of Creation as Beer and Foamy were being created. He was somewhat anti-social and didn't really like the other gods. Likewise the other gods perceived him as a pompous jackass who wanted to kill them all and rule the universe; they also thought that Boojawoojanee needed to get laid badly and this was part of the reason for his bitchieness. This situation made it so that Boojawoojanee avoided all the other gods whenever possible and all the other gods intern avoided him. After a few thousand years Boojawoojanee decided to go down to Earth and try to get people to worship him. He decided to have the audacity to call himself "God" as if there were no other gods; he was also extremely unoriginal and couldn't think of any other name. But back to our story: Boojawoojanee was trying to convince Mortals of him, saying that they would be tortured if they didn't believe in him and go to some sort of paradise if they did believe in him. He succeeded and then knocked up girl and called the spawn the "Messiah". This created a whole new religion and Boojawoojanee couldn't have been happier. Boojawoojanee didn't stop there though; he wanted the mortals to feel the seething hatred that he held for the other gods so he helped those who believed in him create stories. He gave them passages in their book filled with hatred; he told them to be bigots and that anyone who wasn't "one of his people" was evil. Thanks to Boojawoojanee we now have whole theocracies that discriminate against those of sexual preference, gender, religion and race.
Mortals Who Became Gods and Goddesses:
Al Bundy:
Al Bundy is about as close to a god as any mortal will ever get, albeit he was a character in a TV show. He is the quintessential man; he's in a dead-end job with a horrid beast for a wife and two children with absolutely no respect for him. He goes to the nudie bar when it's half-price night and drinks beer when he can. He has stories of fat women trying on shoes almost every day; each time he has a new insult for them. He calls his female neighbor with small breasts "chicken" every chance he gets and loathes sex with the wife. He has more bigums magazines than every other man in the neighborhood and ogles hot women. He always has his hand down his pants. When the Religion of Wheel raises enough money to make a statue devoted to him, he'll be sitting on the couch with one hand down his pants and a beer in the other hand. Al Bundy is the everyman; if any mortal ever became a god (besides Casanova) Al Bundy would be him.
Demigods:
Demigods are mortals who aren't quite gods or are still living. They symbolize some part of The Religion of Wheel if not all. They are to be revered as gods, for they walk among us mortals.
Larry Flynt:
Larry Flynt is a purveyor of porn, the owner and creator of Hustler. He was shot by a religious freak and has been paralyzed from the waist; he fights for our first amendment rights and created a magazine in which pseudo-hard-core porn went national. Larry is one of the distinguished few to swear at the supreme court; he is the only one to my knowledge to yell at them "Fuck this court! You deprive me of the counsel of my choice! Goddamn motherfuckers! You're nothing but nine assholes and a cunt!" Larry did another thing that is just hilarious: he exposed the hypocrisy of those who tried to impeach President Clinton, who got a BJ in the oval office, by offering $1 million to anyone who could prove that a congressman or high ranking government official was having or had an affair. He managed to find three, causing some to resign. Larry fights for the right to own and create porn; he fights for our right to look at porn and for our right to tell the legal system to such it. He fights for our rights. Larry is certainly a demigod.
Contact me: wheel182@hotmail.com or Sarcastabitch@sacbeemail.com